I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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