my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
