i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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