they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
