I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
