i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
