How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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