I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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