On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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