people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
