I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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