I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
