More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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