omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
