i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
