I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize