I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
