It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
