just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
