This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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