why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
