So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
