Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
