Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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