I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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