woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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