You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
