I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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