I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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