Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
