I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
