Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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