She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
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