Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
