just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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