I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
