at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
