covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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