Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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