My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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