i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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