Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
