ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
