We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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