doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
