If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
