im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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