I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
