I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
