I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
