he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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