hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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