she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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