So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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