Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
