I am in a vortex of obligation.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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