I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
