It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
