I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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