had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
