I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
