I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
