Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
barbara walters just said penis...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
